My oldest cousin from Miami came along with us on a trip to Biloxi Mississippi. He was one of the large group of my crazy kinfolk we had goin. I knew this trip would be a blast. There's just no way to get all my family together and not have a great time.
Once we arrive at the airport I find out that my cousin has never flown. He also let me know he was quite nervous about it too. Not the best info to share with my family. Not that I told anyone but the word somehow got around. Well once my Dad found out it was on in a big way.
We get to the gate and are waiting to board the plane. Me and my cousin are looking out the window admiring the plane and all the work they were doin to ready it. My Dad walks over, looks at the plane and says "What the hell is that drippin out of the plane!" He also states "I'm not gettin on that bird til they tell me what the heck that is!" He then walked off. I looked at my cousin and his facial expression took a turn for the worse. About to burst into laughter I told him I was sure they would check it out.
We boarded the plane and took our seats. My cousin was sitting directly across from me and my Dad was right behind him. Not good! Every little noise the plane made my Dad would whisper loudly to my Mom "What was that?" My cousin could hear every word and was getting more pale looking with every statement.
Finally, they began to push the plane back with the push truck. Low and behold the dang push pole thingy on the truck broke with a loud boom. It shook the plane a bit and we come to a halt. I thought at that very moment they were either gonna have to restrain my cousin, let him off the plane or he was just gonna have a heart attack and die right there. He was a bit freaked out to say the least. Dad started to say something about the noise when Mom interrupted him and said "Damn it, you better stop before you kill him!" We all began to laugh at the top of our lungs. Even the stewardess was laughin. My cousin didn't quite see the humor in it and decided to order his first beer of many.
By the time we left the ground I think he might have been about done with a six pack. By the time the plane leveled out he was feelin pretty good! He wasn't pale no more and began to cut the fool with everyone. He had us all in stitches!! What a great trip!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
My Boots!
Somewhere around the month of May during grade school my Mom and I went to a western wear shop. We were there to talk to the owner because he was a client of Mom's. She told me to just look around until she got done. I took her advice and broused around checkin out all kinda western cowboy stuff. As I reached the boot department I noticed one pair just seemed to be callin my name. They were the most awesome boots I ever seen. The person workin the boot section said they were made of real Ostrich skin. They had a blue grey tint with darker color up the ankles. After finding a pair to fit I slid my foot in and it was like it was meant to be. I ran back to Mom and asked her could I get them. She said no at first but I was persistant. I begged, she said no, i begged, again no. She said school would be out real soon and I would need sneakers to play in. I promised her I wouldn't need sneakers and pleaded that I never had boots before.
Finally, Mom caved in and told me I could get them but when it come time for sneakers we wouldn't be able to afford any. I knew she was right because the boots were very expensive. No worries, who needs sneakers anyways.
Well, school ended and summer was here. Time to play everyday! I told Mom I needed some sneakers to play in and she quickly reminded me about the boot story. After pouting for a bit I decided I didn't need any anyways. So off I went to play. I was definately a sight for sore eyes. I had on a play shirt, shorts, tube socks and them boots. It was hell just to ride my bike with them on. I also caught quite a bit of ridicule from the neighborhood kids. Course they didn't look much better. But at least they had sneakers. When we would play backyard football or baseball I would be slippin around like a wet fish on a greasy dock. Needless to say I did wear them the whole summer. Think thats the first pair of shoes I ever got all my money out of. Heck I even wore them shoppin with Mom. Who say's boots don't go with shorts!!!
Finally, Mom caved in and told me I could get them but when it come time for sneakers we wouldn't be able to afford any. I knew she was right because the boots were very expensive. No worries, who needs sneakers anyways.
Well, school ended and summer was here. Time to play everyday! I told Mom I needed some sneakers to play in and she quickly reminded me about the boot story. After pouting for a bit I decided I didn't need any anyways. So off I went to play. I was definately a sight for sore eyes. I had on a play shirt, shorts, tube socks and them boots. It was hell just to ride my bike with them on. I also caught quite a bit of ridicule from the neighborhood kids. Course they didn't look much better. But at least they had sneakers. When we would play backyard football or baseball I would be slippin around like a wet fish on a greasy dock. Needless to say I did wear them the whole summer. Think thats the first pair of shoes I ever got all my money out of. Heck I even wore them shoppin with Mom. Who say's boots don't go with shorts!!!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Grandma's Slip and Fall!!
My Grandmother came to live with us when I was still in grade school. This worked out real well for me because I could come straight home after school. She was also laid back and easy going and I got along great with her. Later on she got to where she didn't walk real good so we would basically take care of each other. I would stay inside with her until Mom got home. We would watch T.V. or she would crochet while I found something to do. It was kinda tuff being a teenager at the time but it was my duty to take care of her and she deserved my best. I mean, hell, she took care of my ornery butt for years!
So one day we were at the house and Grandma decided she would take her usual shower before Mom got home. I told that was cool with me and to just holler if she needed anything. I grabbed me a snack, kicked back on the couch for some of my T.V. time. I was sitting there minding my business, munchin away, when suddenly it happened. First I heard a terrible whoooooo sound that was loud and clear. Imediately following the siren sound I hear this loud thud, clang, clang....sounded like someone dropped a giant bag of taters on a tin roof. I knew exactly what the noise was. No Way This Just Happened!! I ran to the bathroom and yelled to Grandma "Are you O.K?" She sounded as if she was crying when she responded with "Yea I'm alright!" Whew!! Thank Goodness!! I was relieved and just fixing to walk away from the bathroom when she said those awful words "I can't get up, can you come help me?" Oh Lordy!! Well I knew how I took a shower and was pretty darn sure she was naked. This was not a sight I really wanted to put my eyes on. I asked her was she sure and she said yes. What could I do. I swallowed my pride and entered the bathroom. I tried to keep from looking as I got a towel for her to cover up with. She covered herself the best she could. I realized then that she wasn't crying. She was laughing and said "Ain't this a fine mess I've gotten us into!" I grabbed her by her hand and tried to tug her to her feet. This was not an easy task as she outweighed me by about double. I got her turned around with her feet out of the tub and with one quick pull I got her to her feet. Just my luck she didn't have the towel wrapped good and down it went. Well, being a young man at the time it was always fun to see some boobies. However, I can surely attest that Grandma's weren't made for a young mans eyes!! I turned my head as fast as I could and she almost knocked me down tryin to get the towel back up. We began to laugh til we both bout peed ourselves. I will never forget my Grandma! She was special for sure! just wait, there's plenty of Grandma stories to come!!!! Love Ya Grandma!!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
The Fire??
This story is from just a couple years ago. I told ya I'd write em as they come to me didn't I? As you should be able to figure out by now, the ole brain power doesn't usually work on command.
Anyway, me and my lovely wife had finally gotten the final paper work done up on our new house. We purchased her grandmothers how because she wanted us to have it and it is by far more of a house than I ever would've hoped for. It's definitely a beauty! So, after getting all moved in and living there for a few weeks things seemed to be back to normal. We were finally back to our usual routine and living in our dream house.
Wednesday had been my bowling night for the past few years. It was always a treat cause it was just me and the guys. It was always good to see them and the competition was always fun. One night just after I had started bowling my phone rang. It was my wife and I figured something must be wrong cause she never calls on bowling night. When I answered I could tell she was in a panic by the tone of her voice. She told me she didn't know what to do but she smelled wires burning and it was very strong in the garage and bathroom. She couldn't see any flames yet. Figuring she was probably jumping to conclusions I told her I would be there in a few. I told my buddies I had to run. Jumped in my truck and headed for the house. The longer I drove the more I thought about the fact that our dream house could be on fire. I had the truck goin ninety to nothin and got to the house in record time. My wife met me at the door and showed me where she was smelling it. Sure as the world when I entered the bathroom I could smell wires burning and it was strong. I knew something was wrong now. I ran to the garage and smelled it there too. Opening the stairs to the attic I figured I would see fire. When I opened it I seen smoke and could smell it but there was no flames yet. Still I wasn't sure it was bad enough to call the fire department though. Climbing back down from the attic I told my wife it looks ok and not to worry. Quickly I began to search for a flashlight so I could pinpoint the wires in the attic and stop them from melting. Just my luck there wasn't a working flashlight in the house. This is where it gets fun.
Remembering that I had left a flashlight in the barn, I told my wife to wait and let me run get it. Scrambling out the back door I could smell it even stronger. I ran out of our screen porch towards the barn when I decided to look back at the house. Right beside the porch is the kitchen and just above the kitchen window smoke was bellowing out of the roof overhang like crazy. Holy crap!! As I headed back to the house I started yelling to my wife to call nine one one. She did and the fire department was sent out. My wife started crying and I was like a chicken with my head cut off. No way was I gonna let all my stuff burn in this house. I went and turned off the breaker box. The house was now pitch black and you could see smoke rising from it when you stood in the front yard. Already I had come to the conclusion that as soon as I seen flames I was going to start grabbing our stuff and throwing it through the windows. I figured I could probably come close to getting it all out if needed. Right about then the fire department showed up with two great big trucks and a dozen men with oxygen tanks, masks, and the whole get up. They were armed for war and it was gonna be bad.
The firemen swarmed the house like crazed wolves lookin for a snack. I just knew if the hoses came on all our stuff would be ruined for sure. The Captain asked me to show him where I saw the smoke. As I led him to the backyard he said he could smell it too. When he seen the smoke coming from overhang he yelled something on his radio and went back in to the kitchen. When we got to the kitchen another fireman came in and the Captain told him to make some access holes in the ceiling and walls of the kitchen. I was definitely freaking out now! I pleaded to the captain to check the attic again before ripping up the kitchen and he reluctantly said ok. Another fireman came in and asked me and the Captain to show him the smoke. As they followed me onto the screen porch the fireman said "I found the fire!" Not laughing a bit I told him "I don't think that was much funny!" He pointed his flashlight at an old plastic flower pot that was on the porch in the corner by the kitchen. It was full of peat moss and my wife would put her cigarettes out in it. However, this time it didn't go out! The pot was burning inside without any flames. It was making a ton of smoke from the peat as well as the melting plastic. The thick smoke was traveling up the dark wall out of the porch and under the overhang in front of the kitchen window. I felt about two inches tall and apologized as I began my apologies. He told me he was happy with the turn out especially how it looked to begin with. We came out of the house to the crowd that had gathered in the front yard. We were laughing about it and my crying wife couldn't understand why. She was still crying and getting more pissed as I tried to stop laughing to explain it to her. Finally, she realized the house wasn't goin to burn down and was relieved. She hugged my neck and said "Thank God!" The Captain then asked her "Ma,am, could you please get yourself some more ashtrays!"
Anyway, me and my lovely wife had finally gotten the final paper work done up on our new house. We purchased her grandmothers how because she wanted us to have it and it is by far more of a house than I ever would've hoped for. It's definitely a beauty! So, after getting all moved in and living there for a few weeks things seemed to be back to normal. We were finally back to our usual routine and living in our dream house.
Wednesday had been my bowling night for the past few years. It was always a treat cause it was just me and the guys. It was always good to see them and the competition was always fun. One night just after I had started bowling my phone rang. It was my wife and I figured something must be wrong cause she never calls on bowling night. When I answered I could tell she was in a panic by the tone of her voice. She told me she didn't know what to do but she smelled wires burning and it was very strong in the garage and bathroom. She couldn't see any flames yet. Figuring she was probably jumping to conclusions I told her I would be there in a few. I told my buddies I had to run. Jumped in my truck and headed for the house. The longer I drove the more I thought about the fact that our dream house could be on fire. I had the truck goin ninety to nothin and got to the house in record time. My wife met me at the door and showed me where she was smelling it. Sure as the world when I entered the bathroom I could smell wires burning and it was strong. I knew something was wrong now. I ran to the garage and smelled it there too. Opening the stairs to the attic I figured I would see fire. When I opened it I seen smoke and could smell it but there was no flames yet. Still I wasn't sure it was bad enough to call the fire department though. Climbing back down from the attic I told my wife it looks ok and not to worry. Quickly I began to search for a flashlight so I could pinpoint the wires in the attic and stop them from melting. Just my luck there wasn't a working flashlight in the house. This is where it gets fun.
Remembering that I had left a flashlight in the barn, I told my wife to wait and let me run get it. Scrambling out the back door I could smell it even stronger. I ran out of our screen porch towards the barn when I decided to look back at the house. Right beside the porch is the kitchen and just above the kitchen window smoke was bellowing out of the roof overhang like crazy. Holy crap!! As I headed back to the house I started yelling to my wife to call nine one one. She did and the fire department was sent out. My wife started crying and I was like a chicken with my head cut off. No way was I gonna let all my stuff burn in this house. I went and turned off the breaker box. The house was now pitch black and you could see smoke rising from it when you stood in the front yard. Already I had come to the conclusion that as soon as I seen flames I was going to start grabbing our stuff and throwing it through the windows. I figured I could probably come close to getting it all out if needed. Right about then the fire department showed up with two great big trucks and a dozen men with oxygen tanks, masks, and the whole get up. They were armed for war and it was gonna be bad.
The firemen swarmed the house like crazed wolves lookin for a snack. I just knew if the hoses came on all our stuff would be ruined for sure. The Captain asked me to show him where I saw the smoke. As I led him to the backyard he said he could smell it too. When he seen the smoke coming from overhang he yelled something on his radio and went back in to the kitchen. When we got to the kitchen another fireman came in and the Captain told him to make some access holes in the ceiling and walls of the kitchen. I was definitely freaking out now! I pleaded to the captain to check the attic again before ripping up the kitchen and he reluctantly said ok. Another fireman came in and asked me and the Captain to show him the smoke. As they followed me onto the screen porch the fireman said "I found the fire!" Not laughing a bit I told him "I don't think that was much funny!" He pointed his flashlight at an old plastic flower pot that was on the porch in the corner by the kitchen. It was full of peat moss and my wife would put her cigarettes out in it. However, this time it didn't go out! The pot was burning inside without any flames. It was making a ton of smoke from the peat as well as the melting plastic. The thick smoke was traveling up the dark wall out of the porch and under the overhang in front of the kitchen window. I felt about two inches tall and apologized as I began my apologies. He told me he was happy with the turn out especially how it looked to begin with. We came out of the house to the crowd that had gathered in the front yard. We were laughing about it and my crying wife couldn't understand why. She was still crying and getting more pissed as I tried to stop laughing to explain it to her. Finally, she realized the house wasn't goin to burn down and was relieved. She hugged my neck and said "Thank God!" The Captain then asked her "Ma,am, could you please get yourself some more ashtrays!"
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