Mako's Greatest Day!

Mako was the name of my dad's dog. He was a thick Bull Terrier breed. If you don't know the kind of dog just think Spuds Mckenzie, cept black with white spots. He was like a tank and solid muscle. A bit crazy when he was young, to say the least, but a very good dog. He cost a lot of money and paid us back two fold with some of the crazy stuff he did. Just a good tempered all around pooch. That is why my parents decided to breed him and make some money!

Well, Mom and Dad got a call from a lady that was very interested in using Mako for stud service. They sent her pictures so she could see his markings and she decided she wanted to do it. The next Saturday she came to the house. One of my crazy aunts was also visiting us at the time. I waited with anticipation to see what the ladies dog was goin to look like. Her and my parents reached an agreement and the lady walked to her car. When she returned she had her dog on the leash. She was a pretty female and was all white. The lady also had in her hand a ziploc bag that had another ziploc and what appeared to be some sort of small tube.

Much to our amazement the lady got Mako and took him around to the other side of the barn. She didn't take the female dog with her. It took a few for us to figure out what she was goin to do. Oh my goodness! Lets just say this lady had taken this step of the breeding process in her hand! My aunt kept askin my Mom and Dad what she was doin around there. We were laughin at the thought of it and my aunt askin questions didn't help matters at all.

The lady returned from around the barn. Mako was following her and panting as if he had ran a marathon. When the lady got close we noticed that she had a ziploc bag tucked under her arm pit. She was also in quite a hurry. She asked Dad if he could help hold the female dog still and he said he would. So, as he was holdin the dog the lady took out the tube thing and filled it with the specimen she had collected from dads dog. She then took the tube and inserted it into the female dogs you know what. Then (this is the kicker) she proceeded to put her mouth on the other end and blow the specimen home to its targeted area!!! I can tell you that we all were a damn fine sight to see at that moment. My aunts face was worth a million dollars. She kept sayin "Oh my!! ewwwe, gross!" The lady then told us that this is the best way she knew of to make sure the breeding process would take. I can tell you this, I never would have a need for a puppy that bad! However, she did make a friend for life out of Mako!!!

The Hog In the Barn!

One day not too long ago while I was at my parents house my Mom yelled there was a hog in the yard. My parents live within the city limits so its kinda unusual. Now remember we are talkin bout a small town and not a big city so its only a bit unusual. I quickly decided I should go outside and catch it. Not that I've ever caught one before, I just figured this one would be the first. By the time I got my boots on and ran out the back door the hog was all the way across the grove. Way too far out of my range so I decided to give up.

Well, about a week later Mom went out to the barn to feed the dog. She came flyin back in the house and yelled that there was another hog and this time he was in the barn with the dog. I knew this was my chance to shine so I put my boots on and headed to the barn. When I entered the barn I couldn't believe what I seen. The dog was asleep next to his food dish and this giant hog was asleep right over by him. As soon as I seen this mammoth of a hog I decided he probably didn't want me to wake him up let alone catch him. He was much bigger than me, white with brown spots. He also had tusks that were sticking out about an inch and were broke off. I wasn't sure how he broke em but I knew I didn't want to find out. So I headed back for the house.

I told Mom I would need some help in apprehending the suspect and that me and Dad probably couldn't pull it off without a trip to the hospital. She agreed and decided to call one of our Cowboy type family friends. After a bit of laughter he told her he would be right over. He arrived with a cow trailer and backed it in the yard. I quickly showed him the hog and he said he had a plan and it wouldn't be a problem. He proceeded to get a rope and to boards that were about three feet tall with handle cut in them at the top. He handed me the rope and gave one of the boards to Dad. I basically understood what the rope was for but the boards had me a bit baffled. When I asked him what the boards were for he told me they were to hold in front of you in case the hog charge at ya. That way he wouldn't hit you and hurt ya. Then I asked him how come I didn't get a board and he replied "Your young enough to get out of the way!" Great plan!

The three of us entered the barn. When he seen the hog laying there he said it was definitely a big hog. He told me him and Dad would get his attention and all I had to do was slip the lasso end of the rope around the hogs neck. Ok, my next question was what should I expect the hog to do once I put it around its neck. He said "Well he's gonna try to get away, so don't let go!" Keeping to the unbelievably intricate plan, I eased up to the hog. He was laying on his side so I realized there was no way to put the rope all the way around his neck without him pickin his head up off the floor. I figured I should just touch him with the rope first to let him know I meant no harm. Little did I know that a gentle touch from a rope meant be afraid for your life in hog language. The dang hog lept to his feet faster within a split second. Somehow in all my steppin and fetchin scared panic I wound up with the dang rope around his neck. He hit the board Dad was holdin one time and almost knocked him off his feet. Before he managed to pull me out the barn our Cowboy friend grabbed that sucker by his back feet. The two of us pulled the giant from the barn and out to the trailer. This is where the fun began!

When we stopped at the trailer the Cowboy guy told me to drop down on my knees on top of the hog and don't let him up. I know, I said the same thing "Excuse me, What?" Well he repeated his self and I decided to man up. When I put all my pressure on the hog he kept trying to get up. I told them that the hog was bigger than me and if he gets up I was gonna run like hell. At this time the Cowboy guy got out his trusty ole pocket knife and opened up a big blade. I said "Well hell, if your gonna kill him why didn't ya just do it in the barn?" He replied "I'm not gonna kill him, I'm just gonna cut off his manhood so hold him good!" Ok, wait, since when is cutting his manhood off better than just killin him? When he cut them the poor hog started yellin and kickin. Then once he cut them off the hog seemed OK again. There must be somethin about bein a Cowboy that makes ya think you should play with them after you cut them off. He held them up to me and asked me if I wanted them. "Um, that's a big no!" I replied. He laughed for a second and then said "lets put him in the trailer!" The hog seemed just fine in the trailer and was off to his brand new home. Needless to say I haven't decided to catch any other hogs after that one!!

Biloxi trip!

My oldest cousin from Miami came along with us on a trip to Biloxi Mississippi. He was one of the large group of my crazy kinfolk we had goin. I knew this trip would be a blast. There's just no way to get all my family together and not have a great time.

Once we arrive at the airport I find out that my cousin has never flown. He also let me know he was quite nervous about it too. Not the best info to share with my family. Not that I told anyone but the word somehow got around. Well once my Dad found out it was on in a big way.

We get to the gate and are waiting to board the plane. Me and my cousin are looking out the window admiring the plane and all the work they were doin to ready it. My Dad walks over, looks at the plane and says "What the hell is that drippin out of the plane!" He also states "I'm not gettin on that bird til they tell me what the heck that is!" He then walked off. I looked at my cousin and his facial expression took a turn for the worse. About to burst into laughter I told him I was sure they would check it out.

We boarded the plane and took our seats. My cousin was sitting directly across from me and my Dad was right behind him. Not good! Every little noise the plane made my Dad would whisper loudly to my Mom "What was that?" My cousin could hear every word and was getting more pale looking with every statement.

Finally, they began to push the plane back with the push truck. Low and behold the dang push pole thingy on the truck broke with a loud boom. It shook the plane a bit and we come to a halt. I thought at that very moment they were either gonna have to restrain my cousin, let him off the plane or he was just gonna have a heart attack and die right there. He was a bit freaked out to say the least. Dad started to say something about the noise when Mom interrupted him and said "Damn it, you better stop before you kill him!" We all began to laugh at the top of our lungs. Even the stewardess was laughin. My cousin didn't quite see the humor in it and decided to order his first beer of many.

By the time we left the ground I think he might have been about done with a six pack. By the time the plane leveled out he was feelin pretty good! He wasn't pale no more and began to cut the fool with everyone. He had us all in stitches!! What a great trip!

My Boots!

Somewhere around the month of May during grade school my Mom and I went to a western wear shop. We were there to talk to the owner because he was a client of Mom's. She told me to just look around until she got done. I took her advice and broused around checkin out all kinda western cowboy stuff. As I reached the boot department I noticed one pair just seemed to be callin my name. They were the most awesome boots I ever seen. The person workin the boot section said they were made of real Ostrich skin. They had a blue grey tint with darker color up the ankles. After finding a pair to fit I slid my foot in and it was like it was meant to be. I ran back to Mom and asked her could I get them. She said no at first but I was persistant. I begged, she said no, i begged, again no. She said school would be out real soon and I would need sneakers to play in. I promised her I wouldn't need sneakers and pleaded that I never had boots before.

Finally, Mom caved in and told me I could get them but when it come time for sneakers we wouldn't be able to afford any. I knew she was right because the boots were very expensive. No worries, who needs sneakers anyways.

Well, school ended and summer was here. Time to play everyday! I told Mom I needed some sneakers to play in and she quickly reminded me about the boot story. After pouting for a bit I decided I didn't need any anyways. So off I went to play. I was definately a sight for sore eyes. I had on a play shirt, shorts, tube socks and them boots. It was hell just to ride my bike with them on. I also caught quite a bit of ridicule from the neighborhood kids. Course they didn't look much better. But at least they had sneakers. When we would play backyard football or baseball I would be slippin around like a wet fish on a greasy dock. Needless to say I did wear them the whole summer. Think thats the first pair of shoes I ever got all my money out of. Heck I even wore them shoppin with Mom. Who say's boots don't go with shorts!!!