Wasp, Hornets, Yellow Jackets Or Whatever You Call Them!!

One fine day in my younger life a buddy and myself decided to venture in the woods near my house. We would play in them woods every day just about. It was about fifty acres i guess with large pines and lots of underbrush we made trails through. So this day, oh this day was special. This would be the day that i find out these yellow jacket, for lack of knowledge, can actually make a nest in the ground. You see, we found ourselves bored and wondering under the giant pines when suddenly a black snake came out of nowhere. Me being the adventurer i am decided it would be a great idea for me to catch him. I gave chase and he slithered away under the pine needles. I began to swipe my foot to move the needles around to flush him out. All of a sudden it seemed to get a bit darker and begin to seem like it was raining. It only took one sting on my leg for me to realize there were yellow jackets swarming all over the place. There must have been a kazillion of em. They did not seem to be very happy with me and turned on me like a pitbull on a pig! What do you do when your attacked by a massive swarm of yellow jackets? I did the exact same tactic i did for most bad moments of my life. I ran like hell!! Heck, i passed my buddy like he was sitting still. We didn't have a stopwatch but i can tell ya i had to do a couple hundred yards in like three seconds flat. Also, if your ever running for your life don't forget to scream like a little school girl. Meanwhile, mom seemed to understand screams of agony and met me in the front yard. She proceeded to slam me to the ground and start tearing my clothes off like i was on fire. When she got my pants off by jerking them inside out you could actually see hundreds of stingers working in and out. After i was unclothed down to just my undies we proceeded inside where mom administered first aid. After it was all said and done i was stung well over sixty times from the waste down. It hurt like hell but seemed to feel better after the pain stopped. The part that made me stop crying in pain was when dad decided to turn one of my socks mom had snatched off back rightside out. When he turned the sock outright he unleashed one last pissed off yellow jacket that proceeded to sting him on his neck!!

BB Gun!!

My loving mother and father decided to let me have a bb gun when i was younger if i promised to be careful with it and not shoot any animals i didnt plan on eating. This worked out great for me so i had no problem making the promise. Little did i know at the time that setting up targets over and over again would get old real quick. So i set out a huntin stuff i would eat if i killed, however, most things wouldnt sit still long enough so i figured draggonflies didnt really count. After a very long day of hunting and probably ten thousand or so bb's later i headed in for the night. Three or four days go by and my mom realizes our outside light on the utility pole has went out and calls the electric company to come fix it. The next day the guy (stool pidgeon) shows up to fix it. He is super nice to mom and told her she probably wouldnt have to pay for it since it just failed. Well, then the very nice jerk decides to come to the door and tell me and mom he believes he has found the problem. He then proceeds to pull from behind his back the old light bulb. Holding it up right in front of our faces he then shakes it and it makes a great little rattling sound. Then good ole "stooly" turns it over in moms hand and dumps a couple of bb's out of it. After that day i decided that bb guns were dangerous and i should probably let mom keep it. Plus my toe still hurt from putting the barrel on it and pulling the trigger to see if it would hurt. It did!!