One Of My Crazy Cousin Stories!

Both my Mom and Dad's families are of the large variety. So, growin up I had a bunch of dad gum cousins. Just about every one of my cousins were bout half nuts. When we all got together there was no tellin what we would get into. As you can probably guess I have many stories about my family get togethers. Reckon I might as well share one with ya.

Out of all my cousins there was one that kept us laughin most all of the time. He was about the same age as me. He came from a family of three brothers in which he was the youngest. I'm pretty sure that might have helped get him used to being picked on. His two older brothers never cut that sucker any slack. That's just the way he liked it though!
Anyways, Their family wasn't from the country at all. They came from a very big city and were a bit unsteady with the country ways. Some weekends they would drive up and visit for the weekend. It was something I always looked forward to because you always knew it would be a fun time.

Being from the city i'm sure was a big difference. Ya see in the big city where they lived it never really was dark. Nor where there as many animals runnin around. I'm pretty sure the change of environment is what they liked the most.

One time my cousin came to stay with us a whole week. I knew I had better watch my p's and q's while he was there because trouble seemed to hunt the both of us. Since he was stayin a week he had to share my chores with me just like he was livin there. This was fine with me because I was old enough to know I was allergic to work. One night we had been getting on each others nerves quite a bit. He had been jackin with me that afternoon and I was set for revenge. After dinner I realized he had forgot to feed the dog we had outside. I told him he had to do it but he said he would do it the next day. Somehow it came up in conversation with me and Mom. You know I wasn't trying to tell on him. Yea right. Sucker! Well after Mom told him in a nice Mom like manner to get it done he decided the dog probably needed to eat.

The best part was that the dogs house was out back under an oak tree a pretty good ways from the house. It was very dark out there and I knew he was unsteady about the dark. He got the bag of dog food and headed out the back door. He looked around then headed for the dog house slow but steady. Once he reached the dogs dish he began to pour the dog food while checking his surroundings the whole time. He finished pouring the bowl full looked around then bolted for the house. He was steppin and fetchin like a cat in a dog kennel. Just as he got about half way back to the house I decided the time was right. I quickly locked the sliding glass door then stood there in anticipation. Once he reached the back door you could see the fear in his eyes. I wish I would've had a camera when he realized the back door was locked. He was in a panic. When he looked at me I looked behind him and acted like something was there. Just about that time is when I realized Mom was watching too. For some reason she didn't see as much humor in it as I did. She told me to unlock the door in a tone I was all too familiar with. I unlocked it and he came bustin in the house. He was pissed to say the least. Mom made me apologize so I did. He knew there was no reason for an apology because you could already see him plotting his revenge!!

The Bicycle Stories #2

Somewhere along my childhood days my Dad and Mom decided to dig a big pond next to our house. I was stoked! This would give me a place to fish all the time. I loved it! The bonus was after they dug it I found some new hills around it to jump on my bike. The dirt they took out of the pond was kind of an orange gray color and pretty dang hard. This made it great to get speed up on.
One day me and a bunch of my neighborhood buddies were gettin our jump on out by the pond. We were taking turns seeing how far we could jump and having a blast. Wait a minute, before go any further let me back up a bit. About two weeks prior to this day I bent my forks on the front of my bike. For those without bicycle knowledge the forks hold the front wheel on. After bending my front forks I had to find some replacements. It just so happened a buddy had a pair he wasn't using and sold them to me for five bucks. I rolled over to his house and we installed them and they worked perfectly.
This brings me back to the present time in our story. As you can tell by now I'm quite a competitive person. So as I mentioned before we were taking turns jumping a hill by the pond and seeing who could go the furthest and highest. Well, one of my buddies with not real good sense came flyin down by the pond and launched off the ramp. He flew what seemed forever and passed every ones marks up. I didn't let him know but I was quite impressed. However, not to be outdone I told everyone "That's nothin, Ya'll watch this!!" I got as far back as I could and built speed all the way to the jump. When I hit the dirt hill I was really movin. All at once I hit the ramp, lifted and sailed through the air. I could tell it was over for him as I was definitely gonna break his record. I crossed the bars for a little showmanship and then un crossed them for my landing. Ok, this is where it gets a bit confusing. All I can tell you after this is what I was told happened from my Mom. She told me she was in the kitchen when she heard all my buddies outside start yelling for her. When she went out the back door there were a couple of them there telling her in a panic that I had crashed my bike and was dead. Just about that time the rest of my buddies came around the house carrying my lifeless body. Thankfully I wasn't dead but just unconscious! Mom sat me up in a chair on the back porch and began wiping my head with a cold damp cloth. Suddenly everything was white and I began to see outlines of what I was sure was an angel. As things cleared up I was weirded out a bit at the sight of Mom but very happy to see her. My cheek bone was scraped pretty bad along with my collar bone. My eyebrow was about scraped off and the skin under my eye was a road rash shiner. Seemed the hard clay broke my fell pretty good!!
This brings us to another twist in the story. Ya see, I just couldn't for the life of me figure out what went wrong. However, as I investigated the crash site I noticed the front forks had broke on my bike. I couldn't believe it. After further inspection I noticed the forks looked like they had been welded back together. That's when two of my buddies decided to let the cat out of the bag and tell me they had welded them back together. Although neither were experienced welders and the forks weren't made of steel they figured surely it would be ok. Nothin like being a guinea pig! Oh, by the way, I did break his record!!

The Wasps, Again!!

Just to the east of our house was a pasture that was overgrown and full of myrtle trees. Some of the trees were very big thus making it look jungle like. We spent many hours in those little woods playing all sorts of games. The woods were quick access from the house with nothing but a ditch between the yard and woods.
One day as I was playing in the yard next to the woods when I saw it. There was a huge wasp nest hangin in one of the small trees just beyond the ditch. I decided I had to make a decission. I could leave em alone and not worry about them. Or, I could knock the nest down with a rock destroying there whole nest in one shot. I'm pretty sure you can already guess which option I went with!
Welp, again, im no dummy so I knew I had to get the perfect rocks to hit them from a distance. After countless minutes and a handfull of perfect rocks I returned to the side yard. I began quite a ways away. Throwing with everything I had I kept missing the nest so I would creep closer. Finally, I ran out of rocks. The wasps never seemed bothered at all by the rocks flying by them. Thats why it just made sense to get even closer.
I decided to get a big stick then run up close enough to throw the stick at them and then run back to the house. The perfect plan! What could possibly go wrong? I picked up the stick jumped the ditch ran towards the nest till I got close to them. In one quick motion I threw the stick and knocked that sucker right out of the tree! I was stoked and realized quickly they were pissed. I ran with everything I had back to the ditch. With the amount of speed I had goin you'd thought it woulda been easy to clear the ditch. However, I didn't make it. When I hit the other side of the ditch I fell to my face. This is the exact point I realized that wasps will give chase. As I jumped to my feet them suckers were stingin the crap out of my back. Let me tell ya, I just thought I was runnin fast before. I was picken em up and puttin em down now. Like my head was on fire and my butt was catchin!! I finally made it into the house screamin like I was shot. Mom assessed the situation and cleaned up the stings for me. Then she asked me what did I think was going to happen when I hit them. I replied with the famous " I don't know!" She replied with a chuckle " I guess ya found out!"