Friday, January 23, 2009


Yes I did make it to yet another friday. I woke up in a great mood and have not let anything bother me today. Its friday by goodness! How come it seems to work like that for most people. I mean whats so special about friday. It use to be the last work day in the week but not anymore. Most people have to work weekends or just saturdays. However, there always seems to be something special about a friday that makes it just a pinch better than any other day of the week. Maybe its in the way the planets revolve or the earth turns. Anyways, friday always seems special to me. I looked forward to this day all week and now its here. I sure hope it makes a special day for you too. If you get down or are feeling a bit low just remember today is friday and how excited it makes ole cleotus. thanks! oh, crap, I forgot I have to freakin work saturday. So much for happy friday. Reckon I'm lookin forward to saturday!!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

My First Crash!!

I will never forget my first accident on a bicycle! It was the start of a chain of events involving bicycles it seems. The bike was a small yellow bike with training wheels on it. I loved to ride that thing around on our drive way. We had a concrete drive way with a sidewalk going from the front against the house to the front door. Then from the front door we had a block walkway leading in a curve back to the driveway. There was a rose rock garden in between the block path and the sidewalk. It was always pretty and mom kept it up. The rose bushes were huge in size with beautiful flowers. This day i decided since it was all clear to ride from the driveway up the sidewalk then around the block path back to the drive way. I made the circle probably a hundred times increasing my speed on each go round. I was having a blast. However, somewhere amidst the fun i forgot about the training wheels and got too close to the rock garden. Well let me tell you, If your riding a bike with training wheels on it and one falls off the curb you are in trouble my friend. Just as soon as the training wheel left the sidewalk i tumbled over right into the middle of one of moms beloved rose bushes. The bush being bigger than me seemed to take hold as if to swallow me up. I had kazillion little thorns sticking me all over and hurt worse the more i tried to get out. Also, the fear of what was to come when mom found out i had split the rose bush right down the middle was almost more unbearable than the thorns. I finally gave in and did what any normal kid would do. Yes, I screamed like a little school girl at the top of my lungs. Oddly enough, first aid mom also is a rescue and recovery service. She came out the door in haste and I'm sure from the screaming she was expecting me to be near death. I'm pretty sure when she seen me in the rose bush she gave off a few chuckles but i was screaming to hard to be to coherent. Mom tried once to get me out to no avail and I got a fear for the worse. She ran back into the house and to my surprise returned with some pruning sheers. Making sure she didn't clip me by accident she gently cut away the branches that had to be cut and lifted me to safety. She saved me from the certain death the rose bush from hell was trying to bring me to. After checking me for cuts and bruises she decided i was good to go and released me with a clean bill of health. This is the moment of truth and I was sure she was gonna go off on me about the bush. Much to my surprise, mom began to laugh at an uncontrollable rate. I myself began to laugh at my misfortune. I finally came to the realization that it wasn't that funny anymore and that even little rose thorns still hurt after they poke you. Mom, however, seemed to get a better grasp of the humor in it and continued to laugh for quite some while. As a matter of fact, she still to this day sees the humor in it!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Tuesday :o(

Im not quite feeling up to snuff today. For some reason work has got me down in the dumps. So there wont be a story today. that being said, ill make sure to come up with a good one tommorrow. So today i will leave ya with a few sayings ive picked up from my parents and others over the years.
1. dont make me knock a knot on your head and dare it to rise!!
2. if you dont stop im gonna slap your haircut around!
3. abracadabra!! your a milkshake!! (after askin mom to make me a milkshake)
4. then dont do that then! (after tellin dad "it hurts when i do this")
5. i gotta poop like a cripple coon!
6. i gotta race like a piss horse!
7. its raining like a six weiner billy goat peeing on a flat rock!
8. its hot as a fresh frigged fox in a forest fire!
9. s.b.y.l (sorry bout your luck)
10. what were you thinking?

Monday, January 19, 2009

Wasp, Hornets, Yellow Jackets Or Whatever You Call Them!!

One fine day in my younger life a buddy and myself decided to venture in the woods near my house. We would play in them woods every day just about. It was about fifty acres i guess with large pines and lots of underbrush we made trails through. So this day, oh this day was special. This would be the day that i find out these yellow jacket, for lack of knowledge, can actually make a nest in the ground. You see, we found ourselves bored and wondering under the giant pines when suddenly a black snake came out of nowhere. Me being the adventurer i am decided it would be a great idea for me to catch him. I gave chase and he slithered away under the pine needles. I began to swipe my foot to move the needles around to flush him out. All of a sudden it seemed to get a bit darker and begin to seem like it was raining. It only took one sting on my leg for me to realize there were yellow jackets swarming all over the place. There must have been a kazillion of em. They did not seem to be very happy with me and turned on me like a pitbull on a pig! What do you do when your attacked by a massive swarm of yellow jackets? I did the exact same tactic i did for most bad moments of my life. I ran like hell!! Heck, i passed my buddy like he was sitting still. We didn't have a stopwatch but i can tell ya i had to do a couple hundred yards in like three seconds flat. Also, if your ever running for your life don't forget to scream like a little school girl. Meanwhile, mom seemed to understand screams of agony and met me in the front yard. She proceeded to slam me to the ground and start tearing my clothes off like i was on fire. When she got my pants off by jerking them inside out you could actually see hundreds of stingers working in and out. After i was unclothed down to just my undies we proceeded inside where mom administered first aid. After it was all said and done i was stung well over sixty times from the waste down. It hurt like hell but seemed to feel better after the pain stopped. The part that made me stop crying in pain was when dad decided to turn one of my socks mom had snatched off back rightside out. When he turned the sock outright he unleashed one last pissed off yellow jacket that proceeded to sting him on his neck!!